Bouncing Forward, Giving Back

In June 2020, when I launched my website, terrycrylen.com, my goal was straightforward: drawing on my background as a clinical psychologist and as an aspiring author, I aimed to create an “online presence” by writing in a personal and candid way about the complexities of mother-daughter relationships and my soon to be published memoir, In Pursuit of Radio Mom. In my book, I’d dug deep into my own history and emotions, even though the narrative was sometimes painful to write: in this, the “third act” of my life, I hoped my story would resonate, particularly with other daughters and daughters who are mothers.

Still, I was thrilled when Radio Mom was published this past fall (She Writes Press, October 2023), as bringing it into a public forum allowed me to share a much deeper dive into my discoveries about these unique––and sometimes fraught––familial bonds. Blogging, too, proved exciting, providing me with a terrific opportunity to connect with a burgeoning community through social media.

The question I’ve been mulling over in recent weeks, however, is whether I can continue to write this way; while the publication of each blog has generated stimulating email conversations, as well as thoughtful responses on the website, it is still extremely taxing. In most respects, the answer about continuing to write in such a forthright manner––using the acumen and experiences that I had acquired during my tenure as a former clinical psychologist––leads me to respond to that question with an unequivocal “yes,” as ultimately it has been so satisfying. In fact, the prospect of broadening the scope of topics I’ve written about to include a wider range of issues affecting emotional well-being holds considerable appeal for me.

Nevertheless, after three and a half years of posting my blogs on a bi-weekly basis, I am keenly aware of how much harder it has become to maintain such a pace. This reality, along with a persistent nudge from my internal voice to consider re-engaging in interests that I had yet to rekindle, made for a persuasive argument: What better time than now to take a bit of a “writer’s pause?”

Admittedly, I was surprised when sharing this news with a writer friend last Friday, my buddy challenged my decision: “Terry, why would you shift gears now, just at the point when your writing visibility has gained such momentum? she asked. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to press forward, if not with the blog, then with compiling that anthology of best clinical practices you once talked about doing? That proposed collaboration with psychologist-writers whose work you know and respect?” I smiled, impressed by my pal’s sharp memory and her writer’s marketing savvy: from a book-selling perspective, tackling the anthology project made perfect sense.

Indeed, when I first made it known to others that I intended to pursue the writing path, I’d expressed interest in spearheading just such an effort. Even before I retired in 2018 and closed the door on my own clinical work, I’d consulted with those writers who were compiling anthologies, those who were experts in their field. In truth, I had not permanently shelved this idea of creating a book-length compendium that would be of interest to other professionals and the general public, as well. Yet, I found myself responding to her without hesitation.

“I’m at a place now where I need to chase something that will provide a different kind of meaning in my life,” I replied. I then mentioned several community service organizations here in Chicago that I’d been following—grassroots operations that were doing solid work. “I plan to choose one and join either their educational or mental health initiatives, ones that focus on young children at risk.” A renewed sense of enthusiasm washed over me as I heard myself talk about the idea. “I’m trying not to obsess about whether it’s okay to step away from the writing,” I added. “I’d rather frame it as ‘Terry’s adventures in bouncing forward and giving back.”

Later, after we’d said our goodbyes, I laughed, recalling my pal’s parting quip: “Okay, I get it,” she’d said, “But you probably shouldn’t use ‘Terry’s Adventures’ as the header for your next blog. Sounds like a terrible title.”

Two nights ago, as a frigid January began its roll toward what I am hoping will be a milder February, I burrowed under a thick layer of blankets and basked in the warmth it delivered––a balm to my aching joints. Soon, my thoughts drifted to an essay on aging written by best-selling author Anne Lamott, titled “It’s good to remember: We are all on borrowed time,” a piece I’d read months earlier in The Washington Post (10/30/23).

Now, in the quiet of my bedroom, Lamott’s words echoed in my mind: “I do live in my heart more,” she had written in this article, “which is hard in its own ways, but the blessing is that the yammer in my head is quieter, the endless questioning: What am I supposed to be doing? Is this the right thing? What do you think of that? (…) A lot of us thought when we were younger that we might want to stretch ourselves into other areas, master new realms. Now, I know better. I’m happy with the little nesty areas that are mine.” Amen, I thought as I snuggled deeper under the covers, “hearing” Lamott’s words like a benediction before gliding into sleep.

Acts of service, caring, and being cared for by family and friends–– these are my own “nesty” arenas that will continue to inform how I move ahead in this new year. My desire to focus my efforts in the ways I have planned is perhaps not surprising, having just published a memoir about my quest for a “Radio Mom,” a mother who, unlike my own could offer love freely and receive it in kind: after all, emulating the Radio Moms I describe in my book––women role models I found along the way of maturing who set out a path for me––has long been my thing. I’m excited to once more concentrate on paying forward the gifts of their guidance and support.

I’ll keep you apprised about my writing, but the next stop for me? Mentoring. Giving back. Following in the footsteps of my most instrumental Radio Moms. So, while the door to crafting more blogs, is, for the present, closed as I pursue these endeavors, I’ll catch you the next time I’m motivated to pick up my pen and tackle a new blogpost. Thanks for being such dedicated readers.